Texts I wish I was brave enough to send:
1) What do I think? I think you’re making a mistake. I think you’re just making excuses for your heart. I think you’re just fooling yourself into thinking it won’t work out so you don’t have to try. I think you’re scared, that’s why you’d rather call it quits than giveus a chance. I think you know your heart beats louder than your thoughts. And I think you’ve been hurt before and although you don’t want to admit it, I think you’re scared. You’re fucking scared.
2) If we’re just friends, why don’t you act like one? How come we still kiss and can’t get enough of each other’s taste?
3) I really don’t want to be “just friends” with you. But I’d rather be friends with you than nothing at all. Because I don’t want to lose you. I cannot lose you.
4) I know it doesn’t need to be spoken out loud but I just want to say it, so it’s official. I like you. Like, I really like you. And it’s not the things those girls, who used to leave lipstick stain on your clothes, care about like your career or where your family’s from. I don’t care much for that. It’s when you asked me if I wanted to go buy milk with you and when you promised to watch a show with me, even thought you have already watched it before. It’s when you would kiss me on the forehead. It’s those things that I care about the most.
5) If we’re still friends, why haven’t I heard from you in months?
6) I got an A today on my paper. Remember that professor I told you about? The one that hated the way I wrote? The one who gave me my first C+ on an English paper? Well I just got the most recent one back. And I am soaring right now. Maybe I won’t fail this class.
7) My book is still at your house. So is my scarf. I want them back. Or maybe I just want to see you. But then again, I want you to keep them. Remember me. I hope you think of me sometime.
8) One night you said you wish I was closer so I could keep you company. Darling, I wish you were next to me every night.
9) I still wish there was something more. A part of me still hopes that it’s worth more than whatever it was that ended. I keep missing you and somehow, I miss you even more. Even after all these months I still can’t let it all go. I still replay the moments and I still hear conversations we had. There are so many people in this big city but all I see is you. Or maybe that’s the only person I wish to see.
10) I miss you. I really wish I could tell you that. But that feeling is irrelevant to you and I don’t want to seem weak. I am weak, I don’t need you to know I still search for you in the strangers next to me.
11) Those shorts of mine that you threw in the washer with your clothes still smell like your laundry. I can’t seem to get rid of your scent.
12) Listen, please just hear me out. I have so much to say but I need you to promise me that you’ll listen. I have never felt so much for someone in such a short amount of time. And you know, even through it all - I have to say that I’d do it all over again, a million times. Those feelings I had wasn’t just butterflies, it was a house burning down and I ran in. I didn’t care about the flames because I knew you’d be there, somewhere, and you were my shelter, a home. I’ve never felt more alive than I did that evening we sat by the river and drank smoothies. Time never passed as fast that night we sat in Starbucks and talked until it was closing time. Things just never felt as right until you came along."
A Story A Day #256 by Ming D. Liu